A dozen categories of familiar 1-page topics

John Hoelzel

July 6, 1998

I started writing one THINKABLE a week late in the fall of 1995. But what is a Weekly Workplace THINKABLE? It's roughly a one-page summary of my thoughts on a topic of general understanding and interest. But just take the topic of "listening" for example. There's one of my favorites which we all know a lot about, we all use every day, AND in which we all have a lot of room for potential improvement. At least that's what I continue to hear from my wife, even after I've worked on it for 39 years of communicating together. And listening is just a small subset of my really favorite subject, "respect." In 1985 I was so enthralled with thinking about respect, that I wrote an unpublished book titled Real Relationships Require Respect. But that's another story and another book. But you see for example how we all have favorite topics that we do think about, mull over, try to improve upon, and may even get into discussions about. But it is especially fun to write some of these thoughts down, and to share them with others.

I started sharing THINKABLES by taping them each week to the outside wall of my workplace cubicle, along with a lot of current project and space news, so a "passer-by" could read them. Later I began to form a list of email addresses, including co-workers and strangers I met on airline flights and shared THINKABLES with. This list of email addressees now numbers about 80 around the world. Occasionally I include some personal experiences, so that helps keep worldwide friends up to date on some of my activities. But how would I state the purpose of these short essays?

I mentioned earlier that "listening" is a very important topic for me. Actually I think we all have so much room for improvement in our listening skills and in showing associated respect for the speaker, that I would love to see listening included along with the "3 R's" in our school subjects. This respect for listening and for the speaker applies to how I pay attention when God impresses me with ideas and thoughts. I've learned that I have about three basic choices: to merely think "that's really interesting," and before long I forget it; to jot down some notes so I can at least later try to think it through; or to stop everything, follow up with focused thinking, and write and enjoy the experience of exploring the related ideas and new thoughts which would otherwise have never come to light. The benefit of this recording is primarily for my future reference. But I've also been encouraged by others to form them into a book, for easier reference, and for wider distribution.

Its amazing to me that we human beings often think so much alike as we face common experiences in life. On the other hand many of us will have somewhat unique ideas too. For example, "Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought." That's what makes a THINKABLE interesting to diverse people. The topic development starts with familiar concepts, and some related facts usually unknown to the reader, dealing with concepts and experiences most folks have thought about or experienced. Having laid a groundwork of somewhat common thoughts and experiences, the THINKABLE uses these as a springboard to break new ground and make use of these thoughts to personally challenge us toward application for the benefit of ourselves and those around us. It usually concludes with comparisons, contrasts, or analogies to similar topics that God had many diverse people write down and collect as the Bible, so we could learn what is on His mind.

So THINKABLES are intended to help you extend your thinking and experience to related areas you might not otherwise have considered. My expectation is that most of the readers will find some of the topics and thoughts of interest, and that some of the readers will find most all of the conclusions of interest. My special request is that similar to the way I've tried to pay attention and follow through with the thoughts God has given me, that you too copy and share that THINKABLE with them when a topic especially catches your attention and then someone comes to your mind as likely to benefit from those thoughts. You could also help point others to recent THINKABLES by referring them to my Internet THINKABLE Home Page at http://members.tripod.com/~John_Hoelzel. They can also use that page to send me email (at john.hoelzel@juno.com) and can thereby get on my ongoing THINKABLE email list.

Will Rogers (who died a year before I was born) had quite a knack for reading a newspaper and helping folks lighten up and laugh at themselves, and at the special ways that so many politicians have of turning common sense upside down.

As I proudly attended Will Rogers High School in Tulsa, Oklahoma, I was certainly influenced by this Okie who could spin a humorous yarn just as easily as he could spin his cowboy rope. He was quick to see the irony and humor in our front-page headlines. My desire is that some of the THINKABLES will encourage and challenge you to Think, See and then Act more keenly and deeply than before you turned these pages!

Thanks for reading, thinking, and sharing. Now here are the THINKABLES, arranged by categories.

Don't Forget Your Compass or "Mr. Holland's Opus"

Can you imagine being lost in a dense forest, far from civilization? Boy Scouts would likely recall various techniques like: which side of the tree does moss grow on? - or lets try to get our bearings from the sun's direction (if its visible), taking into account the month and time of day - or at night trying for a view of a known star constellation, or maybe even the north star, pointed to by the big dipper handle. If we could "get our bearings" we could try to stay on a constant heading using backward and forward sightings, to avoid "going in circles." Of course, if we were a prepared Boy Scout we would have and use our compass, and the "special techniques" and uncertainty would be gone.

For those who saw the Movie "Mr. Holland's Opus," we saw how uncomfortable it was for him to be told by the woman principal who hired him that "He needed to be a compass;" that he was just drifting randomly through his teaching job, not providing any real direction and inspiration to his music students. Several decades later, this admonition had born much fruit, evidenced by the multiple generations of diverse students he had inspired to find meaningful and individual direction for their lives. At that point his original principal presented him with the "compass award."

There is much that could be said about how it feels to be lost, and without hope or direction. Many of Mr. Holland's students felt that way, but he helped them by not only teaching, but also providing inspiration and increased self-esteem. We could also talk about Directions: desired, asked for, acquired - and shortcuts. But since this is brief, let's think together for a minute about the best compass I know.

True direction is absolute, invariant, and dependable, whether depended UPON or not. Jesus came from heaven to earth to show us what God is like - to direct us to God. He came in the most humble of circumstances, yet He spoke with the unmistakable authority of God; in word and deed, He is the God-man. He uniquely said He is THE way, THE truth, and THE life; that no person forms a real relationship with God the Father except by Him (Jesus). So ironically the way to God is NOT a map, a formula, a ritual, nor a membership to be earned or purchased, but the way to God is a Person, God Himself in human form - Jesus.

When doubting Thomas saw Jesus after His unique resurrection from a voluntary death payment for our sins, and reached his hands into Jesus' nail-pierced hands and His spear-pierced side, he responded in faith, "my Lord and my God." He saw THE way and followed Him!

That type of experience is a relationship which is initiated by (1) getting a glimpse of who Jesus is (getting directions), and (2) responding to Him by faith (moving in His direction), with a personal invitation to Him to be our savior (from sin) and Lord (one worthy of following in a personal relationship). Jesus responded to Thomas, "Thomas, because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed."

We can tell you what it is like for us to open the door of response to Jesus and follow Him as our dependable compass, but you can never experience or know what we are talking about, until you also voluntarily open your own heart's door to Him! That's real relationship, His dependable direction, NOT religion (man's arbitrary bootstrap techniques of SELF-direction efforts)!

Freedom

Fighting for freedom has meant death for many. For example it certainly did for William Wallace in the movie Brave Heart, which tried to fill in some of the blanks about the breaking of England's early tyranny over Scotland. His last exhaling breath of life was used to shout out "FREEDOM," which later became a rally point for the Scots.

Most nations have a rich heritage of freedom fighters against unjust rulers who try to force their subjects into submission with tactics that include tyranny and taxation without representation.

Those who have to fight for freedom, and their families, do not take freedom for granted. Many who enjoy the benefits of freedom as a gift, without any personal hardship or experience of loss of freedoms, tend to take freedom for granted, and for example may feel unmotivated to serve in the armed forces of their country.

But what is freedom? In the U.S. July 4th is known as Independence Day. So is freedom the same as independence? If so, in order to be free, what all do we need to be independent or free from? For example, is a young man who demands and gets his inheritance early, to spend independently as he pleases, truly free? Or could he possibly be enslaved to his own worst enemy, as Pogo profoundly proclaimed so many years ago, "We have met the enemy, and he is us!" Could he for example squander all his inheritance on his youthful lusts, and become enslaved to another master, merely to get enough scraps to eat?

Is it possible that the same kind of enslaving characteristics found in tyrants are also found to some degree within each of us at times? For example, at what age does someone mature enough to be trusted to wisely and responsibly receive and manage an inheritance? More simply to the point, do we always treat others (and ourselves) as we would like to be treated? If not, why not? If we are honest with questions like these, we will find that even within ourselves lie some of the weaknesses that undermine true freedom. True freedom ironically is willing to submit itself to structure, discipline, protection, growth, and opportunity which is never possible by demanding my rights or by clutching onto "my own." It is hard to accept the paradox, that when we find such growth potential characteristics, and unclutch our control into their keeping, true freedom, and the right sort of independent growth occurs.

Jesus said, "If the Son (of God) shall make you free, you shall be free indeed." What did He mean, and how can this happen? We see the answer in His life of joyful and willing love, submission and obedience to His Father. God never forces Himself on anyone, not us nor His own Son.

Jesus said that He always did and said what He saw and heard His Father doing and saying. When He gives us spiritual eyes to see His pattern and example, we see Jesus as He really is and as He claimed to be, the Son of God, Emmanuel (God in the flesh). He humbly came to earth to show us what God is like and to make a ransom payment to restore into fellowship and communication with the Godhead (Father, Son and Spirit), all who believe and accept His life's blood payment. Ironically, our independence from sin which enslaves us all, comes from our free choice to submit in dependence upon Jesus Christ, the only successful Freedom Fighter who won against sin, death, and Satan. His death words were "It is finished;" His resurrection shout is "FREEDOM." His resurrection, and the way He frees and transforms His own today, are the proof of the pudding of this unique Freedom Fighter. Submit yourself to Him, enjoy His Victory in your behalf. He already fought for you, and won!!!

Slavery

If you've seen the Movie "Amistad" you've been on an emotional roller coaster ride, witnessing some of man's greatest inhumanity to man, all for the sake of money and power. It is truly an irony that we can clutch so tightly after personal gain, in trying to obtain things we deem essential to our security and well being, that we are willing to rationalize and justify such depraved behavior toward others as the total devaluing of human lives, once we have attached the commodity label "slave" on others. An even bigger irony is that those who cram slaves into a ship's hold, stacked like firewood, and drown them as "excess baggage" when the ship's rations dwindle, are really themselves much more the real slaves - slaves of greed, stealing, murder, pride, and multiple fruits of self-centeredness and selfishness!

You see, one who is enslaved like Cinque against his will, resists and fights to regain his freedom. When one is suddenly taken captive from freedom to slavery, the contrast is so great that it produces great resistance, struggle, endurance, and a will of great strength and endurance to regain freedom. In contrast, a nation like ours can gradually move from freedom fighters like those who signed our Declaration of Independence, to a generation of "draft dodgers" who don't feel any responsibility or respect for military service to keep our nation free, as the personal knowledge of the value, price, and fruit of freedom is gradually eroded away.

We are all familiar with some of the words of "Amazing Grace" which is now much more popular and widely known, that the account of its author, John Newton. You see his words of experience, "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a WRETCH like me," come from the experience of one who was himself a slave trader, as wretched as those depicted aboard the "Amistad." But he later experienced personally the love, forgiveness, and grace of Jesus Christ, whose blood cleansed all the sins he had committed against the slaves in the hold of his ship.

Just as most owners of slaves, and most slave traders, would rationalize and never admit to their sins, so most of mankind today remains blind or in denial of their sin of unbelief against God and His sin payment, Jesus. But Jesus' death on the cross to pay for our vilest sins, and His powerful, new-life-giving resurrection, provides victory and freedom from the slavery of sin to all who choose to break free by humbly asking Him to be their very own savior. Let freedom and joy bells ring in your heart as you experience new life in Christ in 1998!

One Thing

If you saw the movie "City Slickers" you will remember some turning point transitions such as city boy Mitch fearing for his life, and feeling that he might have teased cowboy Curly once too many times. Curly not only backed off short of murder, but began to open up to Mitch, confiding that he saw a lot of "city slickers" try to unload all their city lifestyle problems during a short wilderness trail ride. Curly claimed that life is all bound up in finding and following the "One Thing" which matters most. The secret he said, is that "One Thing" is an individual matter.

What have you found in life, that matters the most to you? Did it provide a "new beginning?" Did it relieve some of the burdens and pressures of life? People are diverse, and our four basic temperament types not only differ a lot, but some of them are so opposite they clash. So, to turn everyone loose to find the "One Thing" which matters most to them is to anticipate rather diverse and arbitrary results. In contrast to such diverse and arbitrary lifestyles, the following account is quite narrow and specific regarding what is really important and essential. But it too emphasizes our diversity.

By temperament and habit, some of us tend to naturally shoulder a lot of responsibility, including planning ahead, working hard, and trying to see that everything is just right. Others seem much less structured and uptight, and may seem to somewhat ride on the coat tails of the first group. Such might seem to be the case when Jesus visited the home of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus in Bethany, near Jerusalem.

Martha was so hard at work, trying to make sure everything turned out just right, that her frustration with her sister finally got the best of her. She burst forth in anger and demanded to know, didn't Jesus even care that her sister had left her to do all the housework alone. While Martha worked, Mary just sat there at Jesus' feet, listening to what He had to say. Surely He would tell her to get up and get busy in a responsible manner. Instead, Jesus told Martha very directly that she was so burdened with her urgent responsibilities that they were distracting her from one single important thing. Jesus replied that life really only has a few basic needs, actually only one thing which is essential. He said that Mary had chosen that one thing, which could never be taken away from her. Only 3 things endure in eternity - God, His Word, and people. By hindsight, it sounds like He was implying that Mary had listened very closely to Him describe His upcoming death which would pay for the sins of all who would personally accept His gift of eternal life. In fact she understood and believed so thoroughly that she had already entered into eternal life with Him, which she would never lose.

How do we know this? Two days before Passover, and Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection, this same Mary risked the ridicule of Judas the money keeper and others, to break an alabaster bottle, and pour out its contents, a pound of very expensive nard perfume over Jesus' head and feet. Jesus not only defended her act of perfuming Him for His upcoming burial, He said that whenever His good news is proclaimed throughout the world, her insightful act should also be told in her memory. So the unavoidable question is, are we too busy and distracted today to sit at Jesus' feet and listen to what He has to say? His words are still accessible to those with ears and hearts to hear how much He loves us.

Awakening's

If you have seen the movie "Awakening's" you have seen a caring, committed doctor at his best. So many helpful things followed his willingness to be used in any capacity to help others. This is a wonderful documentation of the effectiveness of simple respect and caring in renewing and rekindling human interests in the simple joys of living, among persons with chronic mental illness.

It shows the miraculous unchaining of comatose people in 1969, through pioneering work with brain chemistry medicine. Most of the people in this mental hospital experienced a near catatonic frozenness of the body and mind, until this early medicine, El Dopa, unlocked the brain chemistry by working on the dopamine receptors of the communication system. Even after side effects of the medicine resulted in involuntary muscle ticks and twitches, the Doctor continued to work just as hard to plead for human interaction and involvement in socialization with persons with mental illness, now known as neuro-biological brain disorders (NBD). Through their incredible awakening's to social interest and activity when the medicine restored normal brain activity, the doctor saw that similar social initiatives from "normal folks" to reach out to those with NBD's was also very necessary and therapeutic.

Today, almost 30 years later, medicines like Lithium, Clozapine, Resperdol, Geodon, and Olanzapine have allowed a very large per cent of people to leave mental hospitals, and return only if and when they stop taking their medicine. The medicines have also made great strides in eliminating serious side effects. Medicines, no fault education, and humane treatment have made a significant inroad in reducing stigma and promoting public understanding and acceptance. Good as this is, in helping awaken people with brain illnesses to their normal potential, it only provides a glimpse of similarity into what happens when a large segment of people experience spiritual awakening.

Alas, how frozen are our own spiritual receptors! Our spiritual potential lies dormant and untapped until/unless the kindness and grace of Jesus knocks at our heart's door to awaken and quicken us to new life with Him. The winsomeness of His attitudes and personal knowledge-based counsel quickly sets our feet on a new path, with purpose, direction, and fulfillment. Jesus never fails. Heaven and earth may pass away, but Jesus never fails!

For example, The Great Awakening title describes the restoring effect of God's Spirit on entire communities. One such Awakening was started in the small country of Wales in 1904. As the Holy Spirit moved among gatherings throughout the country, He elicited confessions of hidden sins, praising God, praying, singing, and testimonies, without regard for length of meeting time. Wide spread changes included the need to re-train coal mine pit ponies. They had been so used to profanity that they had to gradually learn a new language regarding when to move and stop as profanity ceased in the coal mines. Restitution of stolen goods was also wide spread. Similar Awakening's have recently occurred on U.S. College campuses. As we respond today to the persistent, caring love which Jesus displayed in His obedience to His Father's will, we can experience His purifying resurrection power at work in our own lives to replace self centered sin with a heart awakened to rest in His love.

Titanic

Titanic is a good word to describe the box office earnings of this long account of a very short voyage. My wife and I saw this epic movie on our 39th wedding anniversary. She loves historical novels, but doesn't really care for movies about sinking ships. So she was disappointed to not see more of the ship's appointments, the activities on board, and a display of the upper class opulence. On the other hand, I'm not as interested in those, but was intrigued by the thread of the titanic love story between Rose and Jack woven from end to end. Jack really lived what he preached to others, exhorting them to not take the gift of life for granted, but rather to milk every moment of it's rich opportunity.

Here are a couple of observations I saw in the movie, about the characteristics of selfless love which expends itself in behalf of another, and of self love, which tightly clutches and hoards resources, squandering them on oneself while others die for lack of them.

At age 101, Rose recalls her unfolding confirmation of the character flaws in her fiancée which would have made her a trapped and stifled slave in her marriage. And she recalls her growing affirmation that to risk her future life with Jack would indeed be milking each moment with someone who really appreciated her and drew out her best.

But the very interesting thing to me is the line at the end when Rose claims, "Jack saved me!" The facts are that in the movie, ONLY those people who made it into a lifeboat were saved! And Rose left the safety of a secure seat in an early launched life boat to return to the ship in search of Jack. There she risked her life several times to rescue Jack from drowning even before the ship sank, handcuffed to a pipe on a lower flooded deck. True, he then got her to the relative safety of the stern of the ship just before it sank. And he got her up on some floating debris and made her promise to hang on and be a survivor from the frigid Atlantic waters which finally claimed his life. So in truth, at times, they both saved each other.

And they both exhibited some of the characteristics of true love. Love remains kind while enduring difficulty, is content with its station in life rather than having to be top dog, does not selfishly seek its own with a puffed up attitude, instead in the face of criticism and attacks from others its attitude seeks and brings out the best in the situation and in others, exhibiting belief, hope, and endurance.

In contrast, the facts were stated that the boats would hold half of the over 2,000 people. But only one of the boats returned to search for the survivors in the frigid water, and it was too late for almost all of them. Only 700 were allowed into the life boats, although to their credit others urged those in control of the boats to answer the cries of the dying. I wonder if true love or at least remorse ever broke through their selfish self love, to help them experience what true love is really about. This is certainly another strong illustration of the contrast between "loving people and using things," or "loving things and using people." Graphic as this contrast is, Jesus is the perfect model of all the love dimensions described above in the paraphrase of the Bible's Love Chapter, I Corinthians 13: 4-7. Please let this movie help you learn for yourself from Him what true life and love is all about!

Witnesses

One of my favorite movies is "The Witness" in which a small Amish boy is the only witness to the murder of one policeman by another (because he is getting too close to uncovering a police department drug diversion). The police department strategy, which almost worked, was to murder all witnesses of any evidence which might shed light on their otherwise private crimes. In the end, their zeal for cover-up was unable to overwhelm an Amish farm community and the courage of this small boy. The small boy was able to point out the murderer's photo.

But, as a witness, have you ever tried to fill out something like a car accident report form? Did it agree exactly with others involved in, or witnessing the accident? Reconstruction of the past is often not easy, and in the case of differing accounts, the question arises, who should we believe? Often one who seems to have no ax to grind, or no profit to make, most readily gains our ear.

This attribute of "unvarnished" reporting is what I really appreciate about the writers and witnesses who recorded the Bible. Here we see a mix of writers who were often initially very reluctant to tune into or participate in God's ways. But in the end they were inspired by Him to recall and report events, observations and emotions which God wants to use to inspire us too. For example, the disciple Peter who started out with bold promises to never deny Jesus, brashly cut off a high priest servant's ear to resist Jesus' captors, but soon, as Jesus had foretold, denied Him 3 times, with oaths and swearing that he never knew Him. After His resurrection, Jesus transformed Peter from the inside out. This brash, boastful fisherman became a humble, sensitive, caring, reliable witness of God, as evidenced in the 2 New Testament books he wrote. He too was crucified, rather than deny His Lord and Savior.

In addition to such inside-out transformed witnesses who wrote the books of the Bible, we have the witness of the creation itself. As a Boy Scout, I thoroughly enjoyed the beauties of nature, but I overlooked its creator. As a freshman at Rice Institute, I realized I had heard about Jesus, but had never asked Him into my life as my own savior from sin. After I did this, I discovered He is the creator of all, but as unfathomable as His creation is, He is much more interested in a real relationship with us, built on our faith in Him and His promises.

Also God the Father has given audio-visual witness concerning the authenticity and authority of Jesus His Son, which I urge you to consider privately and personally. For example: one of God the Father's authentication's of His Son is recorded in Luke 9:28-36 as an early mountain-top glimpse by Peter, James and John of Jesus' glory and authority as God the Father's voice interrupted Peter from an enveloping cloud, "This is my beloved Son. Hear Him!" Another triple affirming witness from God the Father concerning His Son, occurs when Peter (in Acts 3:22-23) quotes Moses (in Deut. 18:15, 18,19) who quotes God the Father, "Listen to the Prophet (Jesus)." "FOR MOSES TRULY SAID UNTO THE FATHERS, A PROPHET SHALL THE LORD YOUR GOD RAISE UP UNTO YOU OF YOUR BRETHREN, LIKE UNTO ME; HIM SHALL YE HEAR IN ALL THINGS WHATSOEVER HE SHALL SAY UNTO YOU. AND IT SHALL COME TO PASS, THAT EVERY SOUL, WHICH WILL NOT HEAR THAT PROPHET, SHALL BE DESTROYED FROM AMONG THE PEOPLE."

A final witness who wrote the book of Hebrews, stated in Hebrews 1:1-3:"GOD, WHO AT SUNDRY TIMES AND IN DIVERS MANNERS SPAKE IN TIME PAST UNTO THE FATHERS BY THE PROPHETS, HATH IN THESE LAST DAYS SPOKEN UNTO US BY HIS SON, WHOM HE HATH APPOINTED HEIR OF ALL THINGS, BY WHOM ALSO HE MADE THE WORLDS; WHO BEING THE BRIGHTNESS OF HIS GLORY, AND THE EXPRESS IMAGE OF HIS PERSON, AND UPHOLDING ALL THINGS BY THE WORD OF HIS POWER, WHEN HE HAD BY HIMSELF PURGED OUR SINS, SAT DOWN ON THE RIGHT HAND OF THE MAJESTY ON HIGH..."

Styles

We read a lot these days about styles, temperament, and personalities. For example, from the times of Plato we hear of the four basic temperament types (and can easily see these and their combinations in others, and even sometimes in ourselves):

Sparky Sanguine - the happy-go-lucky salesman type, life of the party, but weak willed, and when he offends you, the next day he bounces back as though nothing had happened;

Rocky Choleric - drives himself just as hard as he is on others as he climbs up on top of every human and inanimate obstacle to his being #1;

Maestro Melancholic - the creative temperamental genius whose feelings are easily hurt, who has great difficulty feeling accepted by others and themselves, in spite of their elegant creations;

Flip Phlegmatic - Joe Cool whom almost nothing ruffles, but instead he maintains a steady course through life spouting dry wit humor, with occasional streaks of stubbornness.

And we have all run into (and maybe backed away from) a "type A personality;" we recognize that "our style" is different from "their style." Hopefully we come to the point of recognizing that although we are sometimes suspicious of people who are "different from us," actually one style or temperament is not better than another. However each style has room for improvement.

Next lets focus for a moment on how we treat each other. Just from the temperament type considerations we can see that our outlooks, feelings, and relational styles tend to differ. For example the first two temperaments are outgoing, and the last two are relatively withdrawn and less aggressive or assertive. Yet all temperament types are familiar with the idea of "treating others as we would like to be treated." Although how we would like to be treated may differ, generally the recipient of such treatment likes it, because it is sensitive, thoughtful, respectful, and seeking the best for the recipient.

With that background, lets contrast our reaction to someone who is "going to teach us something" from their soapbox platform, with someone who vulnerably shares and admits to their own weakness. Generally we meet someone's "put us in our place" attitude with a similar "put them in their place" response. On the other hand a vulnerable attitude sometimes opens us up to also become open and vulnerable, and better equipped for having our real needs met.

In this manner, I'd like to be vulnerable and share some of my deepest needs, to which I was blind for a long time. As I headed off for my freshman college year at Rice Institute in Houston, I felt just as good as anyone else, proud to be admitted to Rice (no tuition), and that I knew most of the answers about God from my upbringing and somewhat regular church attendance. But then I met a few students who stood out from the crowd because of an unusual caring and reaching out to help fellow students. By hindsight I see that they treated others as they would like to be treated.

Because of this, I was attracted to a meeting of students from all across South Central Texas, where I found that although I had known ABOUT Jesus Christ, I had never known Him personally by inviting Him to be my own savior. When I did this, not knowing how it would turn out, I began a continuing openness to a personal relationship with Him, and He began to gradually open up His word, the Bible, to me also in a very personal and meaningful way. My needs for God's forgiveness and love were much greater than I had ever realized.

To be like Him, I still have a LONG way to go, but He has already made a lot of difference in my purpose, commitment, and great contentment as I learn to know Him better. I hope that you too have found your need of Him, and His wonderful provisions for us.

To Know, As We Are Known

Some excellent wisdom and insight for us all, I believe is traceable to Persia, delineating 3 very different states, applicable to many different experiences of awareness and maturity. These progressive, and often sequential states are:

(1) To NOT know that you do NOT know,

(2) To KNOW that you do NOT know, and

(3) To KNOW that you KNOW.

What are some examples of these states which you have experienced?

State 1: As a child, did you ever naively think that your parents or teachers "knew it all?" (i.e. not know they didn't know); I'm sure that you outgrew that state. Although they probably didn't change that much, your view of their knowledge likely transitioned from:

(a) knowing it all (having all of life's answers), to

(b) knowing very little that's really "in" and "with it" or as my 32 year old son recently told my wife and mother of 4, describing his first fathering experience with his 10 month old son, "Mom, you have NO IDEA how much work our son requires!" to

(c) knowing much more than you realized, when you grew up and faced some of the same decisions and responsibilities they did.

State 2: Whereas novices who first learn a few "scientific principles" sometimes naively stand in awe of science and scientists and their knowledge (an example of state 1), truly mature scientists, like Einstein, in contrast, know they don't know, and are often very humbled by their awareness that what they do NOT know, so greatly outweighs the things they really DO know.

State 3: Ironically, when we are in State 1 or 2, we are very likely to wrongly assume that anyone who expresses absolute confidence in their knowledge or experience (which we have not experienced) is wrong, naive, deluded, or at least "bending the truth." What have you experienced, or what insights have you seen, which you found difficult to express with words, or to successfully communicate to someone who has not had the same experience or insight? When you know that you know, others are likely to be skeptical.

An interesting vivid case study in a person's transition sequentially through these 3 states, occurs in the Musical "My Fair Lady." Liza Dolittle clearly starts out in State 1, only as Professor Henry Higgins' experiment. Neither has an inkling of the full pending transformation into a confident lady, more mature than her teacher, and much more in touch with her own feelings. Mid-course, she sees that there is more to life than she had thought possible, and she KNOWS that she has not yet attained it. When she does mature and experience being valued by others, she knows that she knows, and she identifies and expresses her needs for being treated with value and respect, much more confidently and openly than her officially trained teacher is able or willing to do for himself. Her self knowledge and insight actually exceeds his.

Saul of Tarsus is a lot like Henry Higgens, with his top notch education; perfectly confident through his proper connections, background, and reason, that he was on the right track. So he persecuted those "heretical Christians," when he did not know that he did not know (State 1). Then he made such an about face from arresting and killing Christians that he got a new name Paul, and became a lot like Liza Dolittle. He admitted his lack of knowledge (State 2), which was a prerequisite for the Lord to personally give him special instruction and spiritual insight into the Old Testament. His own confidence (knowing that he knows) that "to be absent from the body is to be present with the lord" is shared world wide by believers in Jesus Christ, who confidently KNOW we are bound for heaven with Him (State 3) because His death paid for our sins which had separated us from God.

See how many states you can find which Paul experienced, in his words:

1CO 13:11 WHEN I WAS A CHILD, I SPOKE AS A CHILD, I UNDERSTOOD AS A CHILD, I THOUGHT AS A CHILD: BUT WHEN I BECAME A MAN, I PUT AWAY CHILDISH THINGS.

Note the reversed immature order of a child: first speaking, then trying to understand, then lastly thinking!

1CO 13:12 FOR NOW WE SEE THROUGH A GLASS, DARKLY; BUT THEN FACE TO FACE: NOW I KNOW IN PART; BUT THEN SHALL I KNOW EVEN AS ALSO I AM KNOWN.

Paul admits to partial and incomplete knowledge, but looks forward to full knowledge, even as God knows him. If you don't yet have Paul's confidence, this Thinkable should at least help you understand why not!

An opportunity for intimate relationship and personal knowledge of Jesus Christ is a gift He has given to you. But it's not yours until you want to know Him. Only then will you also move from State 1 or 2, to knowing that you know, and one day knowing as you are known by Jesus!

Reasonable or Unreasonable?

Things are not always as they seem, are they? For example, as you tuned in to some of the O.J. Simpson trial on TV did you take everything at face value that the prosecution and defense lawyers said? If not, why not? We all realize that sometimes behind the scene is "the rest of the story." Also different folks see evidence differently.

We ALL have certain pre-dispositions, biases, and prejudices. Problems come when these result in hurt to others, or in blindness to truth for ourselves. For example we may harass someone with differing views or even demand censorship. Of course this gets especially sticky in areas like, "what is considered 'main stream' enough to warrant teaching it in our public schools?" Tracing the history of American public schools and universities to their roots is a real eye opener to see just how dramatically the content of 'main stream' subject matter has changed!

Its tough to be objective and patient enough to trace out the extent of change away from the principles and life styles which our founding fathers held so dear. One easy metric of this change is merely the decline of respect (for teachers, authority, honesty, learning, fellow students,...) which has occurred since you were in school yourself. But its tougher still to hold up an objective mirror and find inconsistencies and erosions in our own lives.

Part of the problem lies with our pride in our own knowledge and reason. Typically, one of mankind's proudest attributes is his reason. But we have just seen that American society has departed significantly from basic sustaining qualities, which for example used to allow business to proceed on trust and a handshake.

In the following passage, the Apostle Paul asks for help and rescue from "unreasonable men" as he shares good news about God in his travels. FINALLY, BRETHREN, PRAY FOR US, THAT THE WORD OF THE LORD MAY HAVE FREE COURSE, AND BE GLORIFIED, EVEN AS IT IS WITH YOU: AND THAT WE MAY BE DELIVERED FROM UNREASONABLE AND WICKED MEN: FOR ALL MEN HAVE NOT FAITH.

Since we are typically proud of our own reason, what could Paul mean to call certain men UNreasonable? The context indicates that without spiritual capacity birthed by faith, certain men unreasonably resist the communication of God's Word, opposing it's messengers.

Although my wife sang Christmas Carols and participated in Christmas Pageants in the Dallas Public Schools as a child, today schools seem more interested in censorship of the Christmas Story and of student prayer. We all know that the reports of three witnesses to the same traffic accident can produce three very dis-similar reports, especially when two of them are involved in the accident. But I am still amazed at the diversity of three groups as they encounter Jesus and His sacrifice for man's sins on the cross. Typically Jews ignore and miss this most miraculous event, looking for future signs and miracles. Gentiles often substitute man's reasoning and wisdom, and overlook God's wisdom lived out and demonstrated in Jesus Christ. But still others are humbled and unspeakably overjoyed at the GRACE (God's Riches At Christ's Expense), forgiveness, and wisdom they find in their "beyond words" experience as they welcome Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

Senses

Sight, hearing, feeling, taste, smell, women-intuition, men-horse sense. Which of your senses could you least afford to lose? Fortunately that is a question we will never really have to answer, although many people have lost one or more of our five senses. We all tend to take health and normal functioning for granted. But what happens when you cannot see or hear, like Helen Keller. Hopefully you can find a patient teacher like Annie, and learn to extend your lost sense, like seeing through touch and in your "mind's eye."

Have you seen how amazingly a Thalidomide baby or a veteran who lost arms in the war can adapt and learn to paint pictures and answer the phone with their toes? Part of my wife's heart is dead from a silent heart attack, and she has very poor eye sight and is nearly color blind, due to diabetes. So, at times, I act as her eyes to help her checkout colors of material and other decorative items.

Taste not only guides the judges at a State Fair to ferret out a delicious Blue Ribbon recipe, but it also warns us of harmful or bitter things we need to avoid. Similarly our nose is not only aroused by the fragrance of a newly mowed field and the fresh air after a rain, but it also warns of the wisp of smoke that signals us as our built-in fire alarm.

The human ability to compensate for a missing sense, or to heighten the use of a sense catches us off guard. We expect normality, and are shocked when such limits are exceeded. For example, men are caught off guard when plodding along with mere reason, at the solutions and insight found so quickly by their wife's intuition. On the other hand, "If a man has enough ‘horse sense’ to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, it is very unlikely she will turn out to be an old nag!"

What if a special additional sense like intuition or horse sense were available to us as a gift? A sense which gives insight and appreciation of treasures all around us, which many people fail to "see." Something like the 9 foot tall Green Giant which our eyes fail to see, because it really is impossible, or so our mind tells us. Its also a little like falling in love and seeing how perfect your dreamboat is, and becoming blind to any faults or blemishes. Love sees the treasures that sometimes even parents overlook!

Well, a sense beyond the belief, experience, and comprehension of most, has been delightfully experienced by millions of humans. It indeed is a gift like buried, hidden treasure, wherein only those with the courage and faith to follow the map, find the treasure which was right under their feet all along.

This added sense is the spiritual sight which sees the treasures which lie hidden in the person of Jesus Christ, until by faith we open our lives to Him and the gift of His Holy Spirit unlocks our spiritual senses. Follow His map to see what He did for you on the cross, and Jesus will come alive in your life too. Avoid or deny His map and you'll just keep wandering blindly right past life's greatest treasure!

Reckoning

We can all imagine a lanky young Abe Lincoln on an early campaign trail, answering a political question, "Are you in favor of ...?" in his brief, easy going style, "I reckon."

Years ago, one of the fun stunts we pulled in our Boy's Club gave us a good understanding of the limitations of our human reckoning, especially when relying on our senses and feelings. It worked like this. We blindfolded a volunteer, and helped him step up a few inches onto a plank held by two boys; each of his hands were on a man's shoulders for stability. We told him we would lift him up, and on command he was to jump off the plank onto the floor. As they "lifted" him up (about 2 feet off the floor) the two men continued to talk to him while they bent down until his hands barely reached their shoulders. His impression was that he was over 6 feet off the floor, so his "jump" turned out to be a lot shorter than expected, and usually produced a lot of laughter from all, including the jumper once he found out what really happened.

Have you ever had any insight to seeing that our reckoning is sometimes just as much "in the dark" and off-target as our game? For example, Steven Covey tells about a subway ride where everyone in his car became irritated with a man who just sat there with his eyes closed, and took no action or responsibility to control his unruly children. They yelled, threw things, and even grabbed people's newspapers. When Covey finally spoke to ask him to exercise some control, he replied, "Oh, you're right. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an our ago. I don't know what to think, and I guess they don't know how to handle it either." Sometimes the depth of our vision is way too shallow, and our judgment jumps in to fill our void of understanding.

God tries to get our attention in just such a case, where many of us have judged Him, through taking a very shallow view of life, void of understanding. For example, He asks us if we don't understand that His kindness toward us is intended to lead us to repentance and restoration to a deep relationship with Him. Instead we often rationalize that because we haven't yet felt His harsh judgment, He isn't really ever coming back as He promised. Our reckoning is something like this: If He isn't holding me accountable now, He never will hold me accountable; i.e. if I can get away with it now, I can get away with it later too.

We also reckon that everything stays the same forever, in spite of witnessing such dramatic changes just in our short lifetime. For example we try to extrapolate geology earlier than the world wide flood, as though it caused no catastrophic changes to the earth, so we can just make a "linear" extrapolation right through its effects, as though things have always been the same. Similarly we mistakenly reckon that God's current patience with us will just go on forever, taking it for granted, and ignoring that this is His way of wooing each of us back to repentance and fellowship since He doesn't want anyone to perish from His presence. Jesus took that awful separation from God the Father in our behalf, to pay for our sins, when He cried out on the cross, "My God, My God, Why have You forsaken Me?" Reckon for yourself how deep and wide is His patience, love, and kindness expressed to us, stop judging Him, and ask Him to save you from your sins today, so you can get to know and reckon what He is really like.

Use It Or Lose It

Can you remember the period in your life when you were in your best tip top shape? Maybe its right now. For me it was way back when I was in the U.S. Army Artillery at Ft. Bliss, TX, doing all sorts of push-ups, side straddle hops, various other calisthenics, pulling KP and latrine duty, and during Basic Training, running the infiltration/obstacle course.

Currently I only occasionally mount my exercise bike for 20 minutes in the morning. I see a definite decline in my physical stamina and capacity, compared to those "good old days." I even put up with hearing aids and their squeaking feedback, to hear those folks who "mumble" (yet others seem to hear them).

On the other hand, there are a few "energizer bunnies" who seem to just keep going and going. For example, recently at my daughter's wedding one of the groom's (Joe) grandfathers was so alert, clear, authoritative, and humorous, that at the age of 92 he engaged the entire audience of 500 with his introduction to the wedding. He made it very clear that this marriage business is God's patented specialty, as author, protector, and provider.

His provisions include success in marriages. He said God intervened in our behalf, starting with the first couple; their problem was not the "apple" in the tree, but the "pair" on the ground. He spoke to encourage lonely hearts in the audience who desired a mate. He said if God could take him 400 miles North of the Arctic Circle to find his bride in Norway, there is hope for others too. His servant's heart and attitude have kept him alert, strong and very active as he lives his 10th decade.

So how does physical and mental "use it or lose it" apply in the spiritual realm? We've just seen part of His answer in Joe's grandfather. Blessed is the person who through a personal relationship of faith and trust with Jesus Christ, experiences a delight in reading and applying God's word and promises in their life. Bible memorization, meditation, practice at discerning good and evil, allowing God's Spirit to convict and correct us, all promote spiritual vitality and growth, and vice versa.

Where are you in your spiritual pilgrimage? Still testing the water? Once enthused and excitedly experiencing daily fellowship, but now experiencing cold indifference, apathy, or atrophy?

Jesus is such a gentle person that He never has forced anyone to begin or to restore a relationship with Him. Paradoxically, those who know Him best, can't find adequate words to express their delight and joy. The quality of the relationship is best perceived by viewing how it affects their peace, joy, strength and energy as they unselfishly serve the needs of others. Does that remind you of Mother Teresa and Joe's grandfather? It should! It takes two to tango. What is keeping you from today starting or renewing a deep and rewarding relationship of trust and growth with Jesus Christ? Use it or lose it!

The Devil Made Me Do It

In a recent topic, New Experiences Then And Now, we observed our ancestors make a tragic and far-reaching mistake, as they made a bad choice, in an effort to enter into a new mind altering experience. Their mind and emotions quickly joined in excited agreement and anticipation of this wonderful new experience (which so blatantly violated the commitment of their wills). The individual will of both male and female remained remarkably silent in the rush of their excited rational and emotional experience.

Immediately a sharp pang of conscience reminded them of the violation of their previously strong willful trust and commitment. They had traded in their Master's provisions of a perfect environment, and perfectly balanced qualities of mind, will, and emotions, by letting their mind and emotions totally block the input of their will. Shame, blame, and cover-up; in fact, just the inverse of all their previously beautiful qualities, immediately sprang forward to control them, as though their prior bliss had never existed. They hid from their Master and pointed accusing fingers as they quickly discovered the attribute of self defense. The male blamed the female, and the female originated the popular phrase, "The Devil made me do it."

Indeed, how clever and powerful the Devil is. Was he involved as the instigator of this deception? Absolutely yes. But did he MAKE our ancestors choose to violate the commitment of their wills to obey their Master? Absolutely not! He IS more powerful than we are, able to appear as an angel of light, and make hideous and destructive things appear very attractive and desirable. Able to incite BOTH parties in a relationship to argue, blame, and attack each other's value. But he cannot override our free will! Instead he cleverly seduces our own mind and emotions so that they completely block input and balance from our own will. MAKE us do something against our will? Never. "The Devil made me do it" is just one of his many lies; all the better if it can be passed off as a joke. His style is to distract us from seeing the beauty, compassion, love, and forgiveness of Jesus! Yes he is relentlessly at it, because the consequence of his rebellion and deception is just around the corner.

Satan is extremely fearful of the power of the following scenario. Any situation where our emotions catch a glimpse of the terrible pain and anguish Jesus chose to experience for us, as God the father poured out His wrath against our sin, when Jesus bore our sin and its consequences alone on the cross, with His cries of abandonment ringing in our ears. Such an emotional glimpse can fling open the gate of our mind to begin grasping the implied and amazing love, forgiveness, and grace behind His voluntary sacrifice for us. Such thoughts, can in turn, open wide the pathway for our will to run quickly to embrace, thank, and commit our whole person to this One who loves us so deeply.

Satan's lies and deceptions don't stand a chance against the illumination of God's Spirit when He focuses our vision and insight on how Wonderful Jesus Christ really is! Rarely for a righteous man would another be willing to sacrifice his life. But God graphically demonstrated His love for all of us. He didn't wait for us to take any initiative, but "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." May you experience this song for yourself: "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace!"

Learning From Anger

Among the many classes that were missing when I went to school are: listening; respect; learning to understand your spouse; and dealing with anger (and other emotions too). Did you ever have the experience of preparing to teach a subject, and as class time approached, you realized that YOU were actually the student? Well, that happened to me again over the Christmas holidays.

I had felt that since my wife and I were getting along OK, this would be a good time to help her think and work through some helpful ways to deal with her anger. What really got me considering this was when she confided that at a recent meeting she expressed her feeling and needs and was surprised at the level of anger she found still existed toward someone who had repeatedly let her down and burned bridges she had repeatedly worked so hard to re-build.

I understand that our variety and intensity of emotions help define us as unique humans, with traits which others learn to expect from us. For example our emotional expressions show the depth of our feelings, commitments, beliefs, and passions, setting us infinitely apart from our creations, e.g. robots. Expression of our emotions and learning from them is just part of getting in step with another part of our magnificent design. So with this in mind, I was preparing to quietly share with my wife, the wisdom and benefits of becoming aware of anger early, tracing out its roots and dealing with it, and "never letting the sun set on our anger."

Before I verbalized any of this, listen to what happened to the teacher. I was up early one morning, had done a days' hard work before noon, and had a roaring fire in our heat stove, with lots of extra wood stacked on the porch and in the wood basked inside. What surprised me was my wife's first words when she got up. Nothing about my great job of inside house cleaning and organizing, or my outside work. Her focus was on a cardboard box of wood, barely visible inside the acceptable woven wood basket. Her criticizing of this temporarily placed cardboard box (while I was feeding the stove fire) in contrast to no thanks or appreciation of my hours of unceasing efforts, caused me to explode in anger. And I angrily told her about her lack of appreciation. Since then I have had to deal with my own anger. It taught me that it is a SMALL price to pay to immediately remove items like a cardboard box which irritate my wife. I also re-learned what I had intended to share with her, that my offenses against my Lord, FAR outweigh the things which irritate and anger me.

Each person must deal with their own anger in their own time and way. Lord, set my own life in order so that some of your unconditional love and forgiveness for me can bear fruit and benefit those I come in contact with.

Expressed Emotion

In this age of acronyms and alphabet soup, a number of acronyms have more than one meaning. For example in college a "high EE" might refer to an upper classman in Electrical Engineering, or one with a high grade point average. But in the fluctuating area of psychology, a person with "high EE" was a codeword for one whom "experts" thought had promulgated undo stress and anxiety in their family by exhibiting high Expressed Emotion. This was in the "dark ages," stemming from Freud, when they blamed parents for the occurrence of mental illness.

Today the pendulum has swung to help with genuine family and public education which acknowledges multiple causes of biological brain disorders resulting from brain chemistry imbalance. Genetic predisposition is one of these factors. But thankfully research and education have nearly ended the eras of "blame the mom" and "blame the dad" and moved forward to helping parents grieve, cope, and experience the wonders of newer medicines which more effectively restore brain chemistry balance.

Even in the light of such education and support, there is still widespread stigma, fear, and misunderstanding. For example, in earlier years of cancer, without education, research, and treatment progress, fear of the unknown produced stigma and a "keep it in the closet" mentality. Today we wouldn't ever consider blaming a family member for the occurrence of the physical illness of cancer! But we still find stigma, based on fear and misunderstanding, often associated with those who suffer from the physical mental illnesses which are neuro-biological brain disorders.

Statistics show that compared to the entire population, persons with mental illness are victims more often than average, and are violent less than the average. Yet myths and fears still prevail. Stigmatizing language expresses this lack of information, understanding, and compassion. Probably the most widely mis-used label is "schizophrenic," used often in the media, as well as by the layman to mean a "split personality" which is ambivalently caught between two conflicting decisions. The truth is that schizophrenia occurs in 1% of the world population, and compared to that, the entirely different malady of "split personality" is much more rare. Schizophrenia is a thinking disorder, where the brain which processes all our external sensors, communicates thinking and sensing (such as voices) which are very real to the person, but are not sensed by others in their same environment.

Many of us whose textbook has been a family member with a brain chemistry imbalance, have learned not only the symptoms, diagnoses, medicines, services, and research of major mental illness, but we have also experienced a variety of emotions including the stages of loss and grief, the hurt and anger of being unjustly blamed and "treated," the frustration of inadequate, unavailable, or untimely core services, and the pain of rejection while trying to reason or help. Add to this the frustration of finding a deaf ear from legislators and agency heads, to our constructive ideas for improvement of services, and it may seem like our high expressed emotion is directed against these people. May it not be perceived that way, since our true common enemy is the illness itself. Instead our emotion and passion should constrain even strangers to these illnesses toward sympathy, empathy, and compassionate caring, enough to help us jointly find solutions that make things better for the afflicted and their families.

Compassion, common sense, and cost control, all clamor for national, state and local plans and services to treat mental illness in a timely manner, including recognition and intervention when deterioration starts. Through such efficient life cycle approaches, we'll see costs, lives, productivity, quality of life, and responsible citizenry improving, in a win-win situation!

In Your Corner

When we hear them announce, "And in this corner, the heavyweight champion of the world," we know that in the other corner is his opponent, ready to fight him to the last bell. Some of us thrive on such opposition and challenges. Yet others can't wait for retirement, and a chance to avoid such pressure and "get out of the rat race." But waiting behind the scenes, actually both men in the ring have their own supporter in their own corner, ready to come to their aid, once the bell rings and the battle temporarily subsides.

We all need such a supporter, someone in our corner, someone decidedly for us, always waiting in our corner, never switching sides to our opponent's corner. Some experience that in a mate. Others are essentially loners, and never really have that experience. But whoever your closest friend is, there is always the possibility of a let-down. For example, how consistent is your support of your best friend? Have they ever felt you have let them down? As committed as we intend to be, we all have some limitations.

But "there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother" the Bible tells us in Proverbs 18:24. It is largely due to His experience of being misunderstood, let down, betrayed, falsely accused, used, dis-believed, and deserted, that Jesus Christ is so well equipped to stand steadfastly in our corner, defending us against all accusations, both true and false. It is not reasonable for us to try to "pull the wool over the eyes" of our mate during courtship, and hope they will still blindly support us the rest of our lives. But Jesus clearly sees into the hearts of mankind, yet His commitment to what is best for us is so strong that our failures don't deter His dependable support. He cheers us on, even when we have given up on ourselves. "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (with His eyes wide open to how we would treat Him in the future).

We probably can't put ourselves into the picture of remaining in the support corner, round after round, of the most despicable criminal imaginable, who had executed his crimes against our own family. Yet this gives an idea of how amazing it is for Jesus to remain in our corner. Our own inherited and willful sin, especially disbelief and lack of respect for God, and our choice of idols to take His rightful place in our lives, make it all the more amazing that He still remains our champion. But if we choose to reject Him, He won't force His support on us, and will finally let us remain, without hope, and dead in our sins.

We all need someone dependable in our corner. We are designed that way. But have you ever realized how expensive it is for us to have such a consistent personal cheer leader? It cost Jesus His life - a cruel and painful death, during which His Father did not respond to His cries for help, so we wouldn't have to experience the consequences of our own sin. With someone like that in my corner, there is no room for pity parties, complaints, or criticism of others. Just imagine, the God of heaven and earth sitting in my corner, knowing perfectly well my deepest deficiencies, yet choosing to defend me, and always without fail, serving my best interests! Thank You Lord!

Have You Had Your Hug Today?

Whether we can admit it or not, we all have a fundamental need to love and to be loved. Children who felt conditional love, or love withheld by their parents often learned to cope by being self-protective, and tend to carry emotional scars and baggage along on most of their trips as adults. Wives often set up a mine field for their husband, to test "Does he really love me?" or "Does he put me ahead of a special interest of his?" This may one day result in an explosion indicating her needs and expectations remained unmet so long, that his failure of this last test was the straw that finally broke the camel's back.

When is the last time you felt someone really appreciated you and cared for you? They went out of their way to give unmistakable evidence of their love and devotion to you? How about just after you blew it, and felt you deserved their retribution, not their love? For example, Romans 5:6-8 says, "For when we were still helpless, Christ at the proper time died for us ungodly men. Now a man will scarcely ever give his life for an upright person, though once in a while a man is brave enough to die for a generous friend. But God proves His love for us by the fact that Christ died for us while we were still sinners." In other words, while we were ignoring or rejecting Him, He didn't respond in kind; instead He reached out with the gift of His life's blood, and showed us unconditional love, as a dramatic attempt to communicate His hug and embrace of us!

So this basic human need works both ways. Only when we have ourselves received love to overflowing, we are empowered to in turn show unconditional love to others. For example, faith gives us increased vision to see more deeply into God's giving and sacrificial love by Jesus Christ in our behalf, which stimulates our own self acceptance and love overflowing to others.

What is the best feeling hug you can remember? Mine was when my oldest son had been ill with a brain chemistry thinking disorder for over 3 years, and had even said he didn't want to have anything to do with our family - throwing away our family Christmas gifts to him. A new medicine miraculously restored his brain chemistry balance and his thinking processes, and he now humbly enjoys our presence. And he frequently is lonesome for us and comes and asks for a hug. That feels so good. Unfortunately I had to go with scarcely a hope of a hug, before I could so thoroughly enjoy the ones I get now!

Have your received God's hug today? Has it changed your heart to overflowing, and enabled you to hug that otherwise unlovable neighbor of yours? Jesus is alive from the dead. His outstretched arms no longer hang on a cross. Instead, let them enfold you in His forgiving embrace today.

Our Losses

This past week many tears were shed at the losses of Princess Diana and of Mother Teresa. Both women have been elevated by the media to positions of world wide admiration. Although they both lived in dedication within their establishment, their individualistic commitments and actions have resulted in popularity far in excess of their respective well established environments and roots.

It's my opinion that millions of folks need and want a hero to idolize and look up to. President Kennedy, Jackie Kennedy Onasis, Marilyn Monroe, and Elvis sometimes seem bigger than life after they are gone. While millions remember and memorialize them, the heroes and heroines who inspire ongoing commitment to serving and helping others are very, very rare. For example, my prediction is that Lady Di will be remembered and idolized much like Elvis, with many wishing for her return. But in both life and death, the genuine selfless commitment of Mother Teresa to showing God's love and kindness to the dying, the "poorest of the poor" and providing homes for unborn children who would otherwise have been aborted, continues to draw around 500 new "Sisters of Charity" to commit to a life of poverty each year in order to be better equipped to understand and serve humans that most of the world ignores.

Because of her selfless and very successful service of love, Mother Teresa has for years been my personal heroine. She spent hours at the beginning of each day, worshipping and listening to our common hero, Jesus Christ, to find strength and fortitude to look death, disease, starvation and mistreatment squarely in the face every day.

Jesus is no stranger to those who are rejected. He was written off, even by His own family, had no place to lay His head, was misunderstood and denied with an oath, by the disciples He had trained for years. Even God the Father withdrew His presence and help as Jesus cried out on the cross, "My God, My God, Why hast Thou forsaken Me?" He endured the penalty for my sins and yours, no answer to His cries for help from God, because of His great love and compassion for us.

So who is your hero, who goes beyond stirring up sentiments and emotions, to challenge your heart to commitment and selfless service of others? Mother Teresa and Jesus Christ will quietly continue to do this till the end of time, resulting in much needed service and love actions, while most of the world settles for sentiments and wishes for "what might have been." The significance of our hero is measured by the changes and actions they produce in our lives. Who is your hero?

Faith, Hope and Love

After Saul of Tarsus' life turned 180 degrees and "all things became new" for him, including his new name Paul, He wrote that considering faith, hope and love, they are NOT equal; Love is the greatest. WHY?

Among the many possible combinations of equality and inequality among these 3, you too might rank love as the greatest. But lets examine some of the characteristics of these "high end" human expressions to see if this results in a greater appreciation of them.

Faith can be an unsupported or illogical endeavor to someone who needs to "prove" everything. But take any subject such as fundamental physics research and knowledge and we find that successive "peeling of the onion" of our discovery and verification leaves us ultimately at an impasse of knowing that what we can see, measure, verify, and understand has reached its limits. Whereupon we put forth candidate theories and models of the "unseen details" to try to compare with the higher level results which we CAN measure. For example, since I majored in physics long ago, both the number and type of subatomic particles and of galactic star classes has greatly increased through development of instruments of finer resolution. But even in the days of my schooling we were both smart and humble enough to subscribe to the Heissenburg principle that even in trying to simultaneously measure an object's position and velocity, we are limited, and must sacrifice accuracy in one of the two measurements. And at a truly fundamental level, how does electricity really work? Having found electrical appliances to work in the past, we have no trouble exercising FAITH that they will work equally well in the future, just as we intuitively believe the sun will "rise" tomorrow morning, just as it did in the prior days of our life, even though every one of us reaches a limit to our complete UNDERSTANDING of the detailed forces and motions of solar system bodies. We all practice and benefit from faith in the unseen, but some don't want to admit it.

And finally, we may differ on our ideas about where all the "unfathomable" design of our universe came from, but as C.S. Lewis wrote, the honest scientist has a big advantage over the average person, because he has the privilege to observe more of the intricate design details, and to be humbled (as Einstein was) in the face of how much we do NOT know. Those who have chosen to respond to what we observe by placing their faith in God have proven in their experience that "faith is the evidence of things not seen, the substance of things hoped for," and "without faith it is impossible to please God."

The 11th chapter of Hebrews in the Bible is chock full of God's "faith heroes" with greatly diverse accounts of folks who totally failed at some points of keeping the law, but who God pronounces "righteous examples" because they chose to place their faith in Him and His provisions. While some men ridicule faith, God places a premium on it.

The next expression is the common experience of hope. We all benefit when we are hopeful, and when we are around those who have hope. Competitors of Coca Cola may dispute their simple slogan that "Things go better with Coke," but I don't know anyone who disputes that things go better with hope. The opposite corner from hope is depression. "Will I ever feel better?" they mourn. This is a desperate expression of crying out for a glimmer of hope, but finding none. Hope is what keeps us going even in the worst of circumstances. In the middle of Israel's captivity, God graciously used Jeremiah to encourage His people with a classic passage which begins, "I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to give you a future and a HOPE." We experience hope from many sources, but hope which comes from God is a gracious gift, rooted solidly in eternity.

Finally we come to the emotion which needs no Cupid to sell its merits, LOVE. We not only look for it sometimes "in the wrong places," but we can even fail to recognize the genuine article, mistaking it for a temporary, gooey, floating, feel-good experience. Jesus said the greatest expression of love is to lay down your life for a friend. But while the human race remained HOPELESS and FAITHLESS, Jesus Christ chose to die for us to pay for our sin. All who experience unconditional love benefit greatly, but His willing sacrifice (and all it entails) is the greatest form of unconditional love anyone can experience. That is why at the end of the 1st Corinthians 13 love chapter where God's definition of love is spelled out (with the attributes which Jesus showed us throughout His life here on this planet), Paul writes that among faith, hope and love, the GREATEST IS LOVE! Core elements of such love stem from unwavering commitment which generates emotions of compassion and passion, which always in turn motivates acts of unselfish giving of yourself for another.

Faith, hope and love; 3 wonderful attributes. Hope keeps us going, no matter what the circumstances. Only faith opens the door, and provides us the resources, to begin to know God and experience Him in our lives. That is precisely where we first encounter the ultimate in unconditional love! May all 3 of these be alive and well in YOUR experience today!

Unconditional Love

Earlier we took a comparative view of some of the characteristics of faith, hope, and love. Now it is time to focus more closely on the rare qualities and transforming power of unconditional love. We are trained in school, work, and society to be self-reliant and to responsibly earn credentials and associated respect in most areas of our lives. This typically builds qualities people appreciate, like dependability, responsibility, and initiative. But the flip side of such discipline makes it extremely difficult to either give or receive unconditional love, when we get the idea that love must be earned too. Our training is so long term and consistent, that examples of unconditional love are few and far between.

Perhaps a more familiar and related term is a selfless hero who without regard for his own safety, reacts immediately to risk his life to save others. Soldiers like Audie Murphy are often recognized later and decorated with a purple heart. We can tune in our TV and learn to expect such brave sacrifices, even bold face-to-face stand-offs with terrorists, criminals, and drug dealers each week on shows like JAG and Walker Texas Ranger. These heroes are committed to doing right and helping victims, almost independent of the risk to their own lives. This illustrates one of the easier to understand characteristics of unconditional love. "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." This is the stuff heroes are made of, and we easily recognize it and try to reward it.

To be ready to die selflessly in response to an instantaneous threat is one thing. To live each day in a selfless demonstration of putting others ahead of yourself in unconditional love is a much rarer quality, with fewer role models. Mother Teresa understood very well the deep human condition of each person’s need to love and to be loved. She and her Sisters of Charity were so successful that she easily garnered worldwide financial support of her efforts. But her insight caused her to be committed to a similar level of poverty of life style as those "poorest of the poor" whom she served, because she felt that otherwise she would be out of touch with experiencing and meeting their needs. Thus some who genuinely offered building conveniences like boilers and other "modern facilities" were turned down, because their use would form too big a barrier for her to cross to serve the dying, discarded, and downcast. Her objective was to see and treat them as she would Jesus Christ, and thereby to demonstrate His love to them without expectation of receiving any payback, commitment, or conditions on their part. The irony of this is that the heart-wrenching discipline of first receiving God’s unconditional love herself, and letting it strengthen her enough to invade the stench, decay, depression, and distress of dying street people, allowed her to receive even more peace, joy, and contentment than she gave. Indeed, if we ever cross the barrier of "me first" into selfless unconditional service of others, we ironically receive the highly satisfying fruit of being constrained by love to do something good, just for the sake of doing something good, independent of the outcome or effect on others.

This is precisely the way Jesus Christ has treated us. While all of mankind was in desperate need of Him, yet in absolute denial, disbelief and rejection of Him, Jesus chose to leave the glories of heaven and demonstrate unconditional, sacrificial, heroic love for all of us, his enemies. Some of His enemies were more threatened, persistent, devious, and deadly than others. But the discarded outcasts who through the ages personally experienced His unconditional love and forgiveness, were never the same again. These were the ones He referred to when He taught that tears of great love and gratitude come in proportion to the experience of receiving God’s forgiveness and love. Unconditional love still brings the deep peace, joy, and empowerment to selflessly serve others that is such a rare quality today.

Marriage Photos

As on most subjects, we can easily find a diversity of ideas regarding marriage. For example, for some the concept of marriage is to be avoided; it quickly connotes the importance of retaining independence, autonomy, and at all costs, an avoidance of commitment or permanent responsibilities. For others marriage is something looked forward to since childhood; its just "what you do when you grow up;" it just seems natural, almost like breathing. Still others find the marriage relationship something that requires ongoing attention, care and feeding, like a garden whose fragrance and blossoms will be overcome by destructive weeds without daily toil and attention from the gardener.

Ironically those who value their marriage partner as they grow and mature and change, at least as much as they did when they had the "courtship in the clouds" drive to please their partner before marriage, usually have the most satisfying and long term success at their marriage relationship. Mistakes, blunders, offenses, and words you want to retract, are all part of daily life; but these can easily derail a marriage if they are allowed to accumulate via unforgiveness or bitterness or a "poor me" syndrome, to build up a wall which keeps out flowing communication, and which replaces a finely cultivated fertile soil with a packed, thick and dry crust which impedes any future growth!

When the designer of both marriage and its participants defined its format, He said that the two should leave their in-laws, cleave to each other, with a new math of 2 becoming 1 flesh. Although this may differ from our ideas, it speaks of an independent life of the couple as they break any remaining apron strings. On the other hand, it pictures a growing inter-dependence upon each other which chooses to risk sharing intimacy and vulnerability through mutual trust, respect, and love.

When such designer instructions are read and followed, this kind of marriage turns out to mirror or picture its intended pattern. Contrary to a majority opposition to polygamy, surprise: God's intention is for each one of His humans to choose to become married to His Son Jesus. Although a wife is called an adulterer if she marries another while her husband lives, she is free to re-marry once her husband dies. Similarly our first marriage bonds are attached firmly to the law of do's and don'ts. But once we admit we can NOT keep God's law as required, the law's oppressive power over us dies, God's grace enters the picture, and we are offered the chance to be married to, and become one with, and choose to please, Jesus who kept the law without flaw, so He could offer an acceptable, unblemished sin payment for us all.

In refreshing instances, the husband and wife humble themselves and submit to each other, the husband leads via sacrificial love and service, and the wife chooses to respond with respect and submission to her husband's role of responsibility. Such a marriage relationship pokes a hole in the portals of heaven to provide a snapshot of what Jesus' love relationship is like with His bride - a photo album of those who have chosen to submit ourselves to Him, to return love and respect back to honor Him who died for us. Whether you are single, married, divorced, or re-married, please don't let any prior "bad relationships" keep you away from intimately knowing such a lovely Bridegroom, Jesus, and from being welcomed to His sumptuous wedding banquet. R.S.V.P. now!

Love Buds

What two words seem more out of place together than "love budgets?" Love handles, love potions, love music, love fragrance - but why go so strongly against the connotations of love, with a word like budgets? Well how about love accounting? Still pretty bad, but this concept is key for someone who gets good results at keeping faltering marriages together, and restoring busted ones, Dr. Willard Harley. Let me summarize a few of his main principles which work for those with the courage to try.

His parable of the net describes two fishermen with nets; the first keeps short accounts with his net, removing both fish to keep and debris to toss, after each cast. The second fisherman does the same, EXCEPT he allows debris to accumulate which eventually inhibits him from dragging his net back in. So in a fit of anger he cuts it loose and quits, until and unless he buys a new net.

In this parable, the fish are emotional needs in marriage which need to be deposited in the Love Bank account, and the debris are Love Busters, habits that cause unhappiness and heavy withdrawals from the Love Bank. Emotional needs, such as: admiration, affection, conversation, domestic support, family commitment, financial support, respect, honesty and openness, physical attractiveness, recreational companionship, and sexual fulfillment are of course ranked in unique order by each marriage partner. So real deposits into our Love Bank account requires both knowledge and daily attention to meeting the uniquely individual emotional needs of our partner.

On the other side of the ledger is the debits due to Major Love Bank withdrawals, which include the Love Busters of angry outbursts, selfish demands, refusal to discuss or work together on improvements, disrespectful judgments, dishonesty, and annoying behavior. Future THINKABLES go into more details, but for those interested now in improving and strengthening their marriage, Dr. Harley has shared much more at his web site at: http://www.marriagebuilders.com

Attention and practice with building up our Love Bank account can go a long way to opening us up to improving any relationship, with our mate and our friends, including our relationship with God by faith. He took the initiative by making an overwhelming deposit of love in our individual accounts by His voluntary substitutionary sin debt payment for us on the cross. And He has and will forever avoid making withdrawals from our account by relating to us with any of the above listed Love Buster ways. His account with our own name on it is open today in heaven, but it is of no use to us until we activate it for ourselves, like the new ATM bank card I got in the mail which requires me to first "call in." If I die without calling in to activate the account, it will never benefit me. Similarly upon my death without activation and use, my name will be removed from my love account in heaven. Don't let such a waste happen to you.

None of us can do anything to create our own Love Account of open and honest fellowship with God. Jesus has done that for us. But each individual IS the ONLY one who can activate our account by welcoming Jesus as our Lord and Savior. He desires our open, honest, and deepening fellowship even more than our mate, and He will NEVER disappoint us.

Love Busters

Remember last week we talked about the concept of the Love Bank, with its deposits when our needs are met, and its withdrawals when our mate or friend drops a "Love Buster" on us. Lets consider some of our Love Busters this week, such as: Angry Outbursts, Disrespectful Judgments, Annoying Behavior, Selfish Demands, and Dishonesty.

Anger can be used in different ways, such as to "put someone in their place," to go on the offensive to protect yourself as an attempt to avoid getting hurt. Such angry outbursts threaten especially the wife's needs for safety, security and protection. It is always a distasteful experience to get blindsighted by someone's Disrespectful Judgments. One way this occurs is to try to impose your beliefs or values on someone else, or also sometimes when we try to "correct" their values. This can also cut to the quick in the form of judgmental assumptions about a persons' character, motives, or negative expectations about what their future choices will be.

Annoying behaviors can be divided into two categories. When it is repeated without much thought, it is an annoying habit, such as they way you eat or the way you regularly fail to clean up after yourself. But if it's usually scheduled and requires no thought to complete, its an annoying activity, such as a regularly scheduled event which involves only one of the spouses.

Marriage can focus a video camera on our selfishness which we might not otherwise have noticed. Selfishness is a result of thinking only of our own needs, and ignoring the needs and feelings of our partner. But this is even worse when selfishness is coupled with demands which carry a threat of punishment, implying, "give in or you will pay for it." Such struggles of the will for power only divide and cause resentment. The opposite is communication in the form of a request. Be careful though, because a pushed request feels like a demand. Threats, lectures, and other forms of manipulation quickly deplete the Love Bank account, and replace the deposits with resentment.

Dishonesty strangles compatibility which is built up by sharing openly and honestly our thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, daily activities, and plans for the future. In an honest relationship, thoughtless acts are revealed, forgiven and corrected. Bad habits are nipped in the bud, thereby reversing any drift toward incompatibility.

So where do we turn for a model of someone who consistently makes deposits in our Love Bank, instead of Love Busting withdrawals? Someone who consistently avoids treating us with Angry Outbursts, Disrespectful Judgments, Annoying Behavior, Selfish Demands, and Dishonesty. Where can we find someone who treats us with all the antidotes to these behaviors, thereby making us feel much better, as well as showing us how to do it?

Read for yourself in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, the qualities and characteristics of Jesus Christ Who avoided all the Love Busters described above. He will treat you with the same patience that He showed His disciples, not with angry outbursts. Although He knows our innermost thoughts and motives and has judged our sin, the mercy and forgiveness He offered us through His death on the cross, shows His deep respect and love for us. Instead of annoying us, He patiently endures our annoying behaviors, until we get serious with Him. He never forces Himself on anyone, but instead He patiently waits for each person to find out that He is the Son of God and to choose to honor and worship Him. His honesty and virtue is so pure and rich that His followers will still be discovering new dimensions as we fellowship with Him throughout eternity. When you experience Jesus' love for you, and open your heart and life to Him as your savior, He will activate your Love Bank account, and just keep right on making love deposits in it forever.

Emotional Needs

Two weeks ago we thought together about "love budgets" and things which help us build enjoyable balances in our Love Bank account. Last week we hopefully identified with some Love Buster habits, attitudes, and actions which, left uncorrected, will deplete our account. Today let's focus on meeting the emotional needs of our mate or friend, with ideas about making substantial and regular deposits into their account.

What is an emotional need? It is a craving that, when satisfied, leaves you with a feeling of happiness and contentment, and when unsatisfied, leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration. They include: a need for birthday parties, peanut butter sandwiches, Monday night Football... But there are only a very few most important emotional needs whose fulfillment makes us so happy that